Trying new colour, technique and life!
April 09, 2024

I tried my idea (if you don't know what it is, read the previous post) three times, and it failed. First, it was because of the type of canvas, or so I thought, because I left the paint to dry for a few days. On the second try, it turned out it was because of the canvas type. The surface was very smooth, and the paint just sat on top of the primer. So when I put water on it and wiped it, it just came off. You can see it in the photo.

I got a rough, cheap canvas, and the paint acted as I wanted, but the image wasn't interesting. I guess, again, I left it to dry and some parts came off more. But then I thought what made the first time good was not just the technique, but the composition, color harmony, contrast, and basically everything that makes a picture nice. Also, I did not like the subject or concept. Long story short, I felt stuck again. I guess it's normal. I can't find the answer to the million-dollar question in a month.

So I decided to paint something interesting—a topic that I like, meaning a sexual weird scene—and wash it right away. But instead of staying on track, I felt like scratching the clean, white canvas with pure red color by the blade. It was nice until I tried to add more stuff, and gradually, it turned out...shit. I wiped it now. Here are a few issues.

First, I thought I found a technique, but apparently not; I don't have any control over it. When I put water on the painting, anything can happen. It flows everywhere, and I can wash or not wash different parts. So I have to find a way to control it, but then the bigger problem is, I don't know how to control it to do what. The first image that gave me the idea was a complete accident. I studied it, and it's just based on a good Shutterstock image that now I think is actually very shallow. I guess I can just study the visual aspects, as for any other good image...

The second issue is I find myself quickly losing interest in an image or technique. It's not good. I can see this pattern in other parts of my life as well. This is a red flag. Because how can I master something if I keep changing direction? Can I be the master of change? :)

The third one is, again, I want to paint nudes. I decided deliberately not to do that as I think it's just because I am...I don't say it.

So anyway, here we are on the second day, and nothing has changed. I filmed myself in the morning thinking of posting vlogs. I don't know if nothing exciting happens; it's just embarrassing. Should I just paint normal, realistic paintings and change things gradually from there? I guess for centuries, painters did that. You know, the painter of the top image. Just that I don't need to say anything else.